A Few Months Ago
Hollywood, CA.
The scene opens with a Movie critic, David Rosenbaum of the Hollywood News is in front of the camera as he starts with his review….
Rosenbaum: “Ahhh’s If: A Moment in Time was Written and Directed Cookie Dreams, Produced by SCW Studios and stars The Dependables, Arnold Braunschweiger, JCVD, Sly Malone, Chuck Taurus and Madison Chase. Aside from the action movies the Dependables have been bringing us for years, this was a hybrid film, part comedy, part love story and part action flick. Here is a trailer for Ahhh’s IF: A Moment In Time.”
The Trailer begins to play…..
Violins can be heard as we see a shot of Maddie Chase sitting at the bar, wearing a red dress, playing with her drink, what appears to be a martini. She turns, the plunging neckline of the dress becoming evident, but filmed in such a way to appear classy. We then see a suited, clean shaven brunette male walk over and sit down next to her.
Maddie: “Fernando. Where did you go?”
Fernando: “Don’t worry about that. Just a late business call. But I had to return to your beautiful figure.”
Maddie then swoons, moving toward him, before a harsh cut shows her back at the stool, clearing her throat.
Maddie: “You treat me too well.”
Fernando: “Well how about we return back to my room. We discuss other ways I could treat you well.”
Maddie: “As if!”
Maddie then steps up, when suddenly, the door bursts open and Arnold Braunschweiger, wearing a tailored suit, with tails, and complete with a boutonniere, as if he just attended a wedding.
Maddie: “Ahhhh!”
Fernando: “You!”
Arnold: “It’s t-ah-ime for your own red wedding.”
Arnold then produces a shotgun. We don’t know from where and shoots Fernando. He goes up and over the bar and behind. Arnold turns to Maddie. She looks at Fernando before turning back and scoffs.
Maddie: “As if!”
She storms out.
Arnold: “Maddie! Wahh-ait!”
We cut to another shot to see Maddie Chase walking home, wrapping her arms around herself as she walks down the street. Snow starts to fall and she looks up. She then smiles. We then randomly see, for some reason, a blonde, clean-shave, well-dressed man walk over and place his jacket over Maddie’s shoulders.
Maddie: “Oh a gentleman. As if!”
Man: “My name is Gunther Rammstein the Third. A cold night for a walk without a coat.”
Maddie: “Oh…just my date was murdered in the bar.”
Gunther’s charm demeanour suddenly disappears.
Gunther: “Ah…that’s horrible…what…are you okay? What happened?”
Maddie: “Oh yeah. Just my friend-“
We hear the sound of a grenade clip being pulled and for some reason, Arnold Braunschweiger stands in front of Gunther and Maddie. Gunther’s eyes widen.
Arnold: “Du hast mich foolish man!”
He throws the grenade and Maddie just calmly steps off to the side, holding her hand to her forehead, as if to show distraught, as the explosion goes off and a shoe flies across the screen. Maddie then turns to Arnold.
Maddie: “Where are the good men? Couldn’t he have been one of them?”
Maddie storms off as Arnold looks at him.
Arnold: “Exactly.”
The music changes to a calm classical piano arrangement as we cut to see Maddie, still wearing the jacket, and the dress, arriving at her apartment building, an unnecessarily opulent location. She’s then stopped by another man wearing a suit, but also wearing a mask, with “Not Them” written on the top.
Not Them: “Maddie! You are here! I have come to sweep you off your feet, take you to your room, and give you an explosive evening of passion and carnality!”
Maddie: “Oh well then. Let’s go!”
Maddie jumps into his arms.
Arnold: “Ma-AHHHH-ddie! Noooooo!”
Maddie looks around as we see Arnold jump off the hood of an SUV at the street, clear at least ten stairs and tackle NOT THEM down as Maddie safely hops down and rolls out of the way, in a move that clearly defies physics. Arnold then looks at him and pulls the mask off, revealing a mask that says “ACTUALLY THEM!”
Arnold: “I knew it!”
Actually Them kicks Arnold back before getting up and spinning around holding a knife to Maddie’s throat.
Actually Them: “Move and I kill her!”
Maddie looks at Arnold, a bit concerned, before becoming calm. She then suddenly emits fire all over her body and Actually Them steps back, yelling in pain as he tries to tap out flames.
Maddie: “Surprise! I’m a superhero!”
Arnold: “May the DEATH be will you!”
Arnold then pulls out a beam saber (totally not a light saber) and swipes at Actually Them killing him. We also notice for some reason, Arnold now is wearing a hooded robe.
Arnold: “Come Young Padaw-AH-n…I will sho-AH-w you how to identify THEM so the only explosive eve-AH-nings you h-AH-ve are your c-AH-ll.”
Maddie: “As if!”
Maddie and Arnold then walk into the apartment as the camera pans back, as the piano classical music turns into a whole orchestra as a circle fades from the edges onto Maddie and Arnold with “Happily Ever After until Next Time!” before cutting to black.
The camera turns back to Rosenbaum who almost wants to laugh but instead keeps a straight face. He then takes a second to collect his thoughts before addressing the camera with his review…
Rosenbaum: “Ahhh’s If: A Moment in Time has the dubious distinctions of being one of the worst movies of ALL TIME. Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 1%, we are talking about Battlefield Earth, The Room, Ishtar, The Garbage Pail Kids and Plan 9 From Outer Space levels. I have honestly never seen a movie so bad in my lifetime and I don’t think that we will ever see another one like this again unless they release the sequel, “Happily Ever After Until Next Time” which I am not a religious man but pray to the Gods that they never release this film. Look, The Dependables had a good run, their action movies from the 80’s and 90’s are some of the fun classics we grew up with. They will always be in our memories like Alpha Force, the Exterminator, John Dambo and Bleeding Sport are absolute classics that we will never forget and forever watch. This though has gone to new levels. The Dependables can still act, yes, they are older, yes, it is less believable what they can do, we still do not know who THEM really are, that doesn’t matter. The fact remains, this movie was absolute garbage. Now, the female lead, Madison Chase….”
He shakes his head and even chuckles a little….
Rosenbaum: “She is adorable, cute, gorgeous even. I hear she was once a talented wrestler, a charismatic personality in the sport but this young woman cannot act worth her weight and that alone brings this film down. Maybe that was the intentions, to have Madison be the one who really spears this film to the ground, I don’t know but what I do know is that somehow, someway, she is a leading actress? No, Madison Chase needs to go back to wrestling, even singing, a beautiful voice she has but acting…. I would say give it up. Also….
*STATIC*
… The TV suddenly short circuits. A heel crashed into it, cracking the screen. Gavin Taylor jumped out of his chair, turning to see his furious wife take off her heel and chug it at the television. Her baby brown eyes narrow, huffing and puffing, Gavin knew that this was going to be a long day, a long week….
A long year.
THE TRUTH SUCKS, AS IF!
Gavin shakes his head, turns to his wife who continues to stare at the television. Wearing a pink sundress and white open toed heels, her nails polished white and long sandy blonde hair slicked back in a high ponytail. Gavin gingerly slowly starts to creep his way toward her…
Gavin: “Babe, it’s okay.”
Maddie: “OMFG! I mean, really!? I mean really!? The worst movie ever? I’m like, so about to cry and run my mascara Gavi.”
Gavin: “No, don’t do that, you know what happens, the last thing we want is for you to apply make-up again. Maddie, listen to me, that is just one stupid critic, who cares, I personally though the movie was fantastic.”
Maddie: “You were supposed to like it, you’re my husband, so duh! Of course you’re like going to try and encourage me and stuff. Her said I was a terrible actress, I mean…. Really!?”
Gavin: “You are not that bad….. shit, I meant….”
Her jaw drops at the notion that her husband does indeed think Madison is a bad actress. She goes to stand up and walk off with one heel on, limping, realizing how stupid she looks, Maddie takes off the other heel and throws it at Gavin before storming off upstairs….
Gavin: “Maddie, I didn’t mean it that way, I just meant that you are not as bad as people think and this asshole was saying which I am totally burying myself even further right now and need to stop before she leaves me for a guy named Rage. Maddie…. Come on, let’s talk…..”
Gavin is the “All-Star” which means he has every intention to solve any problem, including his wife who is upset and feels absolute worthless when all the critics are tearing her apart over a movie that Gavin, himself knows it’s bad. He walks upstairs and into the bedroom. Maddie is face down on the bed, staring at the other side of the wall, she is cuddled up with her Pomeranian, Bubbles….
Gavin: “Bubbles…. I need some privacy with the wife.”
Bubbles: “Yipp Yipp!”
Gavin: “WHOA! Language! Do not talk back to me young lady, mommy and I need to have a conversation and she doesn’t need you getting hair all over her, so come on, go outside, tinkle-poopoo, whatever the hell…..”
Bubbles: “Yipp! Yipp!”
Gavin: “Girlfriend, you are asking for it!”
Bubbles saw the face of death from Gavin Taylor, well not really but it was enough to scare her off the bed. Gavin laid next to Madison and wrapped his arm around her….
Gavin: “Maddie…. You know I didn’t mean it that way, babe. I was just implying that they are blowing this way out of proportions and you are nowhere near as bad as they say you are. I think you’re a great actress.”
Madison: “Really, or are you just saying that to like make me feel better and totally have make up sex?”
The thought did cross his mind once or twice…. Okay about 300 times in the last five minutes…
Gavin: “Make up sex? No! No…. I mean that tight little dress you have on and those tanned legs, the beautiful smile….. the…. Stop Gavin, no! I want you to feel better, to understand that the opinions of one person mean nothing.”
Maddie sits up and turns to her husband….
Maddie: “Dude, he wasn’t the first, he was the last one. I have been watching critics like totally tear me down for like no reason at all, I mean, I am pretty right?”
Gavin: “Beautiful.”
Maddie: “So, duh! How many pretty actors are out there that suck?”
Gavin: “Megan Fox.”
Maddie: “You are so not helping right now, buster.”
Gavin: “Kennedy?”
Maddie: “Dude, she is so awesome, take that back, mister!”
Gavin: “You’re right, she is a really good actress, I was just trying to make you feel better at her expense which did not work at all and was actually quite stupid of me to insinuate considering your relationship with her and….. hey, wait…. You two should do a movie together!”
Her eyes widen, face lights up and sits there for a moment thinking that what Gavin just said was a great idea. Gavin was starting to gain brownie point again which made him happy….
Maddie: “That’s like a genius idea, I totally love it but would she do a movie with me knowing that all the critics think I suck?”
Gavin: “You can always ask her.”
Maddie: “Oh yeah, I sure should. Seriously Gavi, I’m I that bad or are they just jelly?”
Gavin: “Totally Jelly babe, totally.”
She smiles and rests her head on his chest….
Gavin: “So…. Makeup sex?”
One Month Later
Beverly Hills, CA.
Taylor chase, legendary wrestler and older sister of Madison had taken a couple of years off to raise her son Sebastian and rediscover herself. She had fixed many of the problems that existed with her and the Cruze family became very supportive of Owen and his quest to be a World Champion someday. For Taylor though, she always worried about her sister, always having the potential but never really capitalizing on it after the SWA and NEWA. Madison was always doing other things, simple projects, not really reaching to her potential. A slight run in the SCW for Maddie was nice but didn’t last very long. Taylor thought that maybe her little sister was being an underachiever, living in a fantasy land with The Dependables….
Madison had come over, in a white sundress and matching open toed heels, her nails polished white and long hair slicked back in a ponytail. Taylor was in khaki’s, flip flops and a t-shirt, her long hair hung down and nails polished red. She brought out a lemonade for Maddie who held Sebastian while she was outside sitting down on the patio…
Taylor: “Here, sis.”
Maddie: “Thanks, Tay.”
Taylor sits down and takes a deep breath, smelling the aroma of the flowers in her backyard. She enjoys the scent, looking over at her sister who seems lost right now, which is often when it comes to Maddie and direction….
Taylor: “So, how are things? The acting?”
Maddie: “Totally sucks right now, like I was lambasted…. Wait that is a word, right?”
Taylor: “Yeah, it’s a word.”
Maddie: “Cool. So yeah I was like lambasted by the critics and they total made me look stupid and like that was an Oscar winning performance, or so I totally thought but I guess I was like so wrong which makes me want to cry but I am trying to like be all adult about it and take it with stride yet I am so going to cry…..”
Taylor: “Don’t cry, it gets ugly.”
Maddie: “OMG…. Are you calling me ugly!?”
Taylor: “Maddie, no, what I am saying is it could get ugly in like the situation, not you, shit you’re frigging gorgeous. You know, he’s two now, you don’t have to hold him like you’re ready to breast feed my kid, sis, we aren’t in West Virginia.”
Maddie: “Oops, they like grow so fast.”
Sebastian is put down on his feet, he starts to walk toward his little play bin. Taylor turns to Madison…
Taylor: “forget the movie career, go back to wrestling.”
Madison: “Wrestling? Like why would I do that?”
Taylor: “You are good at it Maddie. I know that you may not think so, sis. You were one of the best in the SWA, hell you had the last World Title match ever in that company.”
Maddie: “Yeah… and I lost to Fitzgerald. I don’t know, I like never recovered after that. I don’t know, I totally felt like I was never going to be good enough compared to you. Courtney and Ashley? Well, I could like be in a coma and be totally better than them.”
Taylor chuckled, sipping her lemonade, looking back at her younger sister, she could see that Madison was in some sort of crossroads….
Taylor: “That is so true, but no, seriously, why not? Why not try to get back in the ring, The Dependables will always have your back, but at the same time, how much longer on you going to hang on with them?”
Maddie: “Dude, like forever, they are my friends.”
Taylor: “They can be your friends; they are also holding you back.”
Maddie: “Nuh-uh, take it back.”
Taylor: “I am being dead serious here Madison. What happened when you left the SCW back in 2013? What have you done since? Run around on a few adventures and try to roleplay in an action movie? Maybe acting isn’t your niche? You’re a great singer but even a better wrestler and it seems like you abandoned that. What happened when you came back and wrestled Max Kane? After that you seemed to not want to come back, why?”
All she could do is shrug her shoulders, it seemed like Madison was trying to avoid the conversation and topic. Taylor caught on to it, she knew that there was something Madison wasn’t telling her….
Taylor: “What is it?”
Maddie: “Nothing. Seriously. Where’s Blake?”
Taylor: “He’s out on business. Don’t try to change the subject Maddie.”
Maddie: “Dude, I am not, I just don’t want to talk about it. Like all I want to do is prove to Hollywood that I totally belong there. I don’t think it’s very fair, like they just hate me because I’m pretty and smart…. And pretty….. and…. Like so pretty…..”
Taylor: “You still pursuing that, fine, is what it is but tell me right now, what movie offers have you been given recently that gives you any hope whatsoever that you think will change your life or at least keep you there?”
Maddie: “I have movie offers, like a LOT of them.”
Taylor: “Oh really? Which ones?”
Maddie: “Well, like Zombie Tidal Wave, I’m the screaming girl number 6! They asked me for a lead role in MechaMole vs Bionic Beaver, it starts Debbie Gibson and Tiffany, like how much better can you like get, right?”
Taylor face palms….
Maddie: “Oh and Wrong Turn 9! That is like a huge break, so I’m like this chick which like takes a wrong turn and is eaten by cannibals. Then they like terrorize everyone else and it’s like super scary, so super scary and stuff…..”
Taylor: “Madison, that sounds like shit.”
Maddie: “OMFG! AS IF! Take it back!”
Taylor: “No, I am not taking it back, there is a God of Wrestling Tournament starting, some of the best are going to compete in it. Win or lose doesn’t matter, you can show off the talent and they can see what you are really made of.”
Maddie: “Tournament? Like eeeewww….. you enter.”
Taylor: “I can’t, I recently had minor surgery on my knee after I tweaked it wrestling in EMERGE when we were both in that Battle royal? Landing in the pool awkward didn’t do me any favors. I won’t be ready in time for round one, maybe round two. Take my spot, represent us, the Chase family. If you want to go act in these silly movies, then fine, do so but don’t cheat yourself out of something because I know that deep down inside you loved wrestling once and something happened, I don’t know what it is, maybe, you need to speak to me about it.”
Maddie: “It’s like nothing, seriously.”
Taylor: “Madison….”
Maddie: “Fine! Like stop pressuring me, don’t you know these days people lie totally go suicidal or go off on shooting rampages! Okay so like I will tell you if you stop totally stressing me out!”
Taylor: “Sorry, I am worried about you.”
Madison sighs, then turns to face her sister….
Maddie: “I’m scared, okay? I am afraid of failure. Do you know how hard it is to like always try to totally put up appearances and appear to be happy all the time and stuff yet be so miserable on the inside? I look at you, like totally carrying the chase mantle, I did that once and then I started to believe what they all said about me, like I would always fail, I wouldn’t amount to anything, my ears were big, so were my feet….”
Taylor: “Huh?”
Maddie: “Just sympathize with me, kay? I’m like totally having a moment right now.”
Taylor: “Okay, fine…. Go on.”
Maddie: “I came back to the SCW because I like wanted another chance, even if the Dependables came back or not. I wanted to finally be a World Champion because that would totally get me some bad ass movie roles like Sienna Swann used it for like the People and things. I also missed it, I love the crowd, I can’t stand watching Gavin in there by himself, it might be all fun and games in front of the camera, but we are not on there right now. SCW barely booked me. They gave me a match with some fat guy that eats pizza and takes a big ol’ dump before the match and makes you smell his nasty ass…. Like ewww! The Bulldog or something, I can’t even remember. Then, they gave me a match with Max Kane that almost killed us. After that I was never booked again? Why? Because I SUCK, that’s why! I was like hurt too, I had a small concussion and was like slurring and drooling, it was nasty, and I looked like so totally stupid. You wanted to know why? That is why Tay, I can’t do anything right, I might even be getting spied on by THEM!?”
Taylor: “Maddie…. Go in the tournament, give it your all, doesn’t matter if you win or lose, what matters is the talent you have. Go out there and do it, I know you can and your legions of fans would be ecstatic to see you return. I know you can do it sis, we all do. The alternative is doing b-rated straight to Blu-Ray or TV movies, is that what you want?”
Maddie: “I just want to be good and like totally famous. I want to do a movie with Shaun Cruze and Kennedy Street, I want to like make out with The Rock and have like a totally bad ass sweaty sex scene with him. Is that really too much to ask!? I mean seriously!? Like why I can’t get what I want?”
Taylor: “Imagine, what if you won this? What if suddenly you became the Goddess of Wrestling?”
Madison’s eyes widen, the realization finally was there. Taylor was getting through to her, she started to listen to her older sister, it was an opportunity of a lifetime that she just couldn’t pass up. Maybe this was the way, obviously Hollywood thought she was a joke….
In wrestling she was not.
Madison: “I am so going to do it.”
Taylor: “Yes! That’s my sister, I knew you would come to your senses.”
It made Taylor happy and feel accomplished that her sister finally saw what Madison was not seeing. The younger Chase didn’t know what she was getting into and yet at this moment, she didn’t care because the payoff was well worth the risk.
A Few Hours Later
Madison Chase had left her sisters house and was headed home. First, she wanted to stop and talk to four very important gentleman that meant the world to her. The Dependables. She walked into an old gas station that served as their meeting hall. Sly Malone, JCVD, Chuck Taurus and Arnold were all there….
Arnold: “Mahddie!”
Maddie: “Hey Arnie, so like I wanted to talk and give you all a heads up and stuff on what is going on.”
Sly: “Eh yo, yous gonna tell us that yous wresslin’ again?”
JCVD: “Sacre bleu, mon ami! That would be wonderful news!”
Chuck: “Need me to teach to you the Roundhouse Kick?”
Maddie: “That would be like totally awesome Chuck. But seriously, I am going back to wrestling, it maybe only one match, it maybe more, it’s called the God of Wrestling tournament.”
All four Dependables look at one another, then back at Maddie….
Arnold: “You mean Goddess of Wrestling little Mahddie.”
Maddie: “Totally! Honesty guys, I am a little depressed that like the critics are being such assholes because of our movie, Arnie. I thought it was like movie of the year candidate, but they are saying it totally blows, like I don’t know what else to say or do. I think at least if I can get into this tourney and do well, maybe I can like get some much-needed self-respect back. You know? Because like right now I’m living in hell and there are no dinosaurs anywhere around like they said there would be.”
The Dependables look at one another a bit confused by that statement….
Sly: “Yous mean there are dinosaurs in Hell?”
Maddie: “Totally.”
JCVD: “It is the work of THEM! THEM are the Movie Critics! THEM made the dinosaurs in Hell extinct! Maddie, it is all THEM. They are the ones trying to break us down mon Cherie.”
Chuck: “Can I roundhouse kick them now?”
Arnold: “In due time mah friend. First, we must prohtect Mahddie at all cost during this tournament, do not worry Mahddie, the Dependables have your bahck.”
Maddie: “Thanks guys, I love you all like so much.”
They all nod and smile….
Madison knew that this was going to be a huge turning point in her life and career. There weren’t going to be too many more chances and if Madison Chase was going to shake off the aura of the critics, this was the way to do it, inside the wrestling ring and the only way she knew how. Would it pay off, who knows but the spunky and talented Madison Chase was ready for anything…..
And if by chance she ended up winning this tournament?
Then by God….
AS IF!
SCENE FADES
REC:
The gorgeous and adorable Madison Chase sits at the edge of a fountain in her father’s backyard, the garden so colorful and surrounding the talented and charismatic wrestler is the perfect backdrop for the young Chase’s return to the ring. There were many questions as to why she left the SCW earlier in the past year, there was a lot of speculation which she would answer. Wearing white slacks and open toed heels, a pink halter top with her nails polished white and long hair slicked back in a high ponytail, she looked into the camera and began to speak….
“Okay so like, OMG! I am actually in this tournament and honestly, I like wasn’t even thinking about it. Okay, so like I know what you are all thinking, what totally happened to Madison Chase after she was in the SCW for like a month, right? Well I can explain this, besides getting hurt by Max Kane which I have a receipt for you, buster, I was offered to star in a bunch of awesome feature films starting my good friends, The Dependables. Okay, so like my one movie that I know you all loved, Ahhh’s If: A Moment In Time was like totally raped prison style by the critics but that didn’t stop me, no way, instead I like continued on and was offered so many new movie roles that I was so stunned and appreciated it all! I had a really tough decision to make though, it was either take these Golden Globe winning movie roles or step back into the ring and like compete in the Goddess of Wrestling Tournament that has like a who’s who of wrestling including some of like the younger wrestlers trying to make it. So, like I wasn’t going to even think about entering, I don’t think I’m good enough and then my sister talked me into it, not Ashley or Courtney, they suck, I was talking about Taylor.
I thought about it for a few moments and it made sense, like how huge would it be if I walked out like the winner, right?
That prospect alone had me excited and with my hubby now in the SCW< I had to represent. Dude, I have been like working my ass off for the last few months, hitting the gym like twenty hours a day, well maybe like an hour or two but shit, it feels like twenty that is like how hard I try! It is an honor though competing with the likes of David Helms, Katie steward, Shilo Valant, Selena Frost, Lucas Knight, Thirteen and so many others that like the names escape me so I’m sorry if I didn’t mention you, I sometimes totally draw a blank. My first-round opponent though is Catalina Herrera who I don’t know too much about her except that she graduated from Ante Up Academy, is doing like awesome in GCW where she is a Champion wrestler….
Oh, and she is engaged or married to some white thug, B-Real, I soooo remember him! Anyhoo, Catalina is so talented, smart and pretty, I think when it comes to wrestling and just everything in general, we are a lot alike. We both want to prove ourselves and most of all, we are both underdogs. Now I maybe totally nice to you right now, that is like going to change and then I become 115 pounds of pure unadulterated badass when something big like this is on the line.
If you think for one second that I am like going to let this slip through my fingers in the first round?
Yeah, totally mistaking!
Catalina, I know you’re going to bring it and there is a lot of talent out there that like, are ready to win this too. Thing is, I have been scared of failure, it happened back in 2011 and since then, I have teetered back and forth. I have to get over the hump and what better way to start then with this GoW Tourney and someone as promising as Catalina. I let my career go to waste, I didn’t believe in myself….
Well that is going to change and like you are all going to see “AMERICA’S SWEETHEART” back!
Catalina, good luck but not too much because Maddie is coming to win it all….
AS IF!”
She tilts her head, smiling before winking….
FADE TO BLACK
/REC
Maddie Chase 